


The Bridge

by Whitestar112



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Hargreeves siblings mentioned, Hurt No Comfort, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, The Death is Ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26078728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whitestar112/pseuds/Whitestar112
Summary: Klaus is trying his best.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	The Bridge

Klaus wasn’t sure how he’d ended up here. He’d woken up from a nightmare, which was nothing unusual for him, but instead of laying in bed just waiting for something to happen, he’d gotten up and ran out the door. The urge to take a walk had been so strong, he hadn’t even bothered to grab a jacket before he’d left. 

He took a deep breath, sighing. He closed his eyes and revelled in the silence for a moment. For once in his life, everything was quiet. He couldn’t even hear Ben, not that he knew if Ben was still here or not. There were vague memories of a fight the two of them had, but after the night that Klaus had been dealing with he couldn’t remember if it had happened recently or not. Years of substance abuse already caused his memory to be subpar, so he couldn’t really find it in himself to be too upset about the fuzziness of his memory.

His hands were gripping the railing tightly as he leaned forward, staring at the water below him . Wondering what it would be like if he’d let go. Then he leaned back again and let his head fall back. If he wasn’t working so hard to stay sober, he would have gone to find some kind of distracting. But he was done with that kind of life, or at least he was trying to be. 

Now he was sitting here in the early hours of the morning. Alone. Why did Klaus always end up alone. A tear slid down his cheek and he quickly blinked the rest of them away. He didn’t want to drown in his sorrows, that’s what he’d used to get high for. Now he just found himself sitting on the edge of a bridge.

He knew that he didn’t really want to let himself fall, but he also couldn’t bring himself to go back over the railing. But his thoughts were so loud, and he knew that eventually this high would wear off and he’d have to make the decision of whether he’d want to continue disappointing his family or deal with the screams of the dead. Klaus took a shaky breath. He was trying, but every craving felt like a step back, some days he would do anything to stop the ghosts from talking. But with his siblings around it was almost impossible. 

After everything that had happened to them, stopping the apocalypse and then currently working to repair their family. Klaus just couldn’t find where he fit with the rest of them. They were all moving past their issues, getting better, learning. And Klaus was stuck. Stuck in his past, stuck in a past that he hadn’t belonged in, and he wanted to move forward, but he couldn’t figure out how. 

Another thing Klaus knew about his family, was that if they knew he was feeling like this they would try to help. Out of all of them, Klaus knew that Diego was most likely to listen to him. The two had always been close and it wouldn’t be the first time Diego had stepped up to help him. But none of them needed to bother with him. His laundry list of issues wouldn’t do anything but hurt his family. 

So maybe it would be a good idea to let go. Just let himself fall. Klaus wondered what it would feel like. To finally let go of everything. He wasn’t even sure it would work, past experiences would point to him surviving no matter what. 

Klaus also knew he wouldn’t do that to Ben. On the off chance that letting go of the bridge would work, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, leave Ben behind. 

The thought of Ben brought a smile to Klaus’ face. In a lot of ways he had let his family down, but even with all his failures, there was one thing they needed him for. Now that they believed that he could see and talk to Ben, he’d been acting as a go between for his family. On the occasional day that Klaus was clean there was a small chance he’d be able to make Ben corporeal. Those were good days. But good days were happening less and less. 

Regardless of good days or bad days, he wouldn’t leave Ben alone. And while he had always wanted to think that his family would miss him, he knew for certain that they would miss Ben. He took one hand off the railing and rubbed his face.

Klaus laughed quietly to himself, he really was pathetic. His biggest reason to stay alive was to help someone already dead. But he would readily admit to anyone that he loved his brother, as long as it wasn’t in front of the brother in question. 

Thoughts of Ben finally pushed Klaus to pull himself back over the edge, to where he was standing on solid ground. He sank to the ground, sitting with his back to the railing, and he leaned his head back. He wondered what would happen if he didn’t go back to the house. How quickly would they notice he was gone. Last time he’d disappeared, no one had noticed. Would they notice him gone now? Klaus shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. 

Overwhelmingly, Klaus was proud of his family. They’d made great strides for themselves, and Klaus couldn’t be happier. He just wished that he could say the same about himself. He was exhausted, and every day that went by he could feel himself getting closer to breaking. And he wanted to tell someone, there was no doubt in his mind that his family would help him. He just didn’t know how to reach out. No one in his family had made an effort to help him, other than Ben, in years. He felt out of his depth, and it was clearly getting to him. 

Klaus put his head in his hands and hunched his shoulders. There was so much on his mind, and he just wanted to let go of all the thoughts running through his head. Despite his best efforts, tears welled up in his eyes. Pretty soon Klaus was sobbing. His hands wiped the tears from his eyes. 

After a few minutes the tears stopped, and Klaus was sitting on the ground, face wet and eyes stinging. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, the beating was sounding in his ears. He couldn’t sit here anymore. 

Klaus stumbled to his feet, using the railing to pull himself up. His hands were shaking, but he started down the sidewalk, one hand on the railing. He reached the end of the bridge, and stopped. Looking back at the spot where he had been sitting, he felt a bit of longing. He wanted to go back and pull himself back up onto the railing. But he also wanted to work on moving forward. So he turned around and continued walking. 

Klaus wasn’t sure he’d be successful, he didn’t have all that much faith in himself. But he wanted to try. He wanted to be better, enjoy his life, especially enjoy his newfound sobriety. Maybe he’d work up the courage to tell his family how much he was struggling. As he walked by the buildings he didn’t know what the future held. He just knew that he owed it to others to try to be better. For those gone, for those still here, and, maybe one day, he could be better for himself.

As he got closer to the academy, Klaus smiled. It was a nice thought, doing something good for himself. Being good was something Klaus had always wanted. His siblings, for all their faults, were good people. They tried to do what they thought was the good thing to do. 

Klaus had never thought of himself as a good person, he didn’t think there were many people who thought of him as a good person. But if there was ever a time to try, this would be it. As the front of the academy came into view, he was determined to try. Because in the end, all you need to do is try.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing something like this, it ended up happier than what I was originally going for. Hope you've enjoyed!


End file.
